Aspergernauts - Your Universe for Aspergers Information!

I have created this page so that people with Asperger's can look up ways of helping them-selves in certain situations. There are most problems covered here, if you think of anymore, please do let me know and I'll add them here...

Teenage Problems | Making Friends | Dating & Relationships | Older Life

Depression | Peer Pressure | Getting further help | Discuss ur difficulties

Those noisy dinner rooms in schools sometimes do get to A.S. children, so why not try some discrete earplugs to stop loud voices. Bose do some QuietComfort 2/3 headphones, although not cheap they do provide excellent Acoustic Noise cancelling, while allowing you to listen to music. Retail price is about £249 - but they do work, and sound quality is as advertised - very good. The reason I suggest these is the in-ear sealing ones may annoy you, so the QC2s offer comfort too. If it's the eating in dinner hall's, or public places please see the eating section.

This is a major problem for all children not just A.S. children but it can be a lot more taunting (or worrying) for A.S. children so I have put a few Tips to help you out! Remember they aren't miracles and they may not work for everyone, but there is every chance it might work for you.

1. They are the stupid people not you. Teachers might tell you to ignore it, but ignoring it doesn't make the problem go away. The bully's are the stupid ones, because they need a victim to make them feel good and look big in front of other pupils. Remember, they are simply jealous that you have a better future, and much more talent than they do. In fact, bully's are generally unsatisfied with their own life.

2. Try to relax and not get too stressed although relaxing can be hard, if your teacher will let you go and move out of the classroom for a while and listen to some relaxing music and have a drink to cut down the stress. Being a Teenager can also be very stressful, but try to keep calm and follow the tips in here, I hope they'll help!

3. Tell someone such as a teacher and your parents because it can be sorted out better if you tell someone. Don't bottle it up too much, and if someone is unwilling to listen or tells you to put up with it - speak to someone else, or tell them you cannot put up with it and they are not realising your difficulty... send them to this website, or to e-mail me if they need this explaining.

4. Try making friends with people who have large social groups, and aim to be cool and fit in more - try to join in with things a little and talk to more people (not about your interests too much but just about things in general). If you can do this, then you have a better chance of back-up from friends if any one begins to pick on you, and you'll find by having a larger group of friends you'll have a lot less hassle.

Changes to routine/plan

1. When someone decides to change something may it be a school day to a different schedule this can be a worry for some children with A.S. and it can be overcome by asking whoever it may be to tell you before the change is put into place. Ask them if they could notify you of these changes well in advance, and ask questions if you need some things to be explained.

For example, if you wish to know what's going on next week at school, and you are worried about it. Ask someone. If it be a teacher, friend, or another person, anyone! Try to relax about the change.

2. A good way of getting used to it, is by doing it... so basically... if you have to get your routine in a particular order, then change it.... just once... then change it back a day later. So just change it for one day, next week, change it again, on a different day... try new things, new ways of doing things, explore... and hopefully things will get a lot easier in the long run should someone change your routine.

Action Plans to help resolve problems

1. If you have problems such as a worry about a lesson such as Science or P.E. to make sure a teacher knows about it and does not force you into anything you feel uncomfortable with make sure you have an action plan for the teacher! Creating an action plan is described below:

2. To make an action plan, you need to discuss your problems with someone you are comfortable with, or do it by yourself if you feel confident you know how to proceed. You need to simply outline the difficulty, such as you have a problem with certain lessons of Maths, because of such and such a reason, and then write down some possible solutions, such as leaving the room for a few mins to relax, or make an agreement with the teacher than you do half a lesson certain days... don't over use this, and try to overcome the problem in time (or you could be seen as trying to escape lessons). Speak with your parents over these things too....

Problem: Struggle with eating in the dinner hall, I get nervous sometimes and if I don't eat it can cause me to feel ill.

Solution: To eat either away from the dinner room, or to go home at lunch.

These problems/solutions must be discussed with parent's and teachers first though! However, if it is really hard for you to cope with this problem and it's affecting you, then don't ever accept "You can't do that" from a teacher... and ask the teacher to view this website www.aspergernauts.co.uk to understand how you feel.

3. Once you have written down your problems give a copy to the head teacher and one to all the teachers concerned, leave the copy with them as it will remind them and make sure you keep one for yourself as it can help you if you need to leave the room or get out of a lesson you feel scared or worried in.

If it isn't working because teacher's either forget or don't follow though, get them to sign the Action plan - now they have signed it they should abide by this, if not report to your head teacher that it isn't working and why the reason is - if a teacher is ignoring your problems such as bullying in the classroom - then you need to report this to your parents and head teacher, if possible get everyone concerned to view this website, and this page especially..

If you have a fear of Bunsen burners during science lessons you can ask your teacher to let you do the experiment on the computer, using resource software. Don't let them force you, if reading a book is less scary for you then do that - because you'll probably learn more about it then they will. Also there are also digital videos online for experiments, try BBC GCSE bitesize website or some other science website. I also found action plans worked in this case! Even if it's something else your afraid of, check the alternatives and write an action plan if necessary.

I have not found a cure quite for this one, but X rays scare me, I think the association with danger puts me off, best not to think of Danger, but it is hard. I said a few months ago, I didn't find a way round it... I eventually did it, and although I was scared, I managed it... see things can be done - and guess what was the solution? Determination. Just say, I can do this... I can do this... and I'm going to do it. And, you never know... it may very well happen!

Can't sleep? Then your like me! You should try the following:

1. Relax to music (and maybe set timer to 20 min's, use your fav. music but preferably not some dancy music, but more subtle and relaxing music.)

2. Turn lights down or off (use a low power night glow bulb)

3. Try not to get up and do things although it is hard, turn off any distractions

4. Have a nice warm bath before bed with some lavender oil in to make you sleepy and relaxed... and have some supper.

Other suggestions on the Aspergernauts forum were made, such as nightnurse and some other methods. Check them out!

This one is difficult, but I have oddly grown out of not eating anything whatsoever, I think it is mostly an age thing. But remember food is growing powder, not everybody likes all food; just eat what you feel like. I still don't like a lot of foods. However, don't force yourself into eating more than you wish to eat, but eat as much as you can... Don't let people force foods that you don't like, or don't feel like - but be open to trying some new foods if you can, you may like them.

If you feel nervous eating around people, then for a while you should remove yourself from the situation as otherwise it can make it more stressful and harder and you may actually stop eating because of it. Eat in a quiet place. Otherwise, if you play some music and read a magazine while eating - it can take your mind off eating.

Sit at home and imagine there is people around you while you eat, and try to think about it while eating at home. It should then help when you go out, and eventually you may feel comfortable.

Remember - No one is going to be watching you, I mean - why would they? If your in a dinner hall then your in there to eat, and so are other people, no one is going to be focusing on you! I mean, the room is probably full of people anyway... Unless of course your getting attention from someone who fancies you, and that should be a good thing. Shouldn't it? :-)

If the room is too loud, then you should think about Bose QuietComfort 2 Headphones, they are the best Active Acoustic Noise cancelling headphones which really do work. They are expensive but sound quality is also very good. At £249 they may be too much, although I couldn't' be without them, so try them first as Bose have a 30 day in home trial. See Bose.co.uk If they are too expensive, consider Shure headphones, they have some noise sealing in-ear buds - they are cheaper but may feel odd inside your ear, and this may be more annoying though because they don't require active circuit they don't have the slight hiss like Active ones. I prefer the Bose, for their comfort, style, convenience, sound and cancelling. www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk also suggests the Bose, so they seem a great choice... if a bit expensive. However, I can also mention now, that in Bose UK range, there is a new addition, BOSE IE which fit inside your ear. You see, there's a solution, to everything, and you'll look cool, instead of weird... because instead of wearing cotton wool or ear muffs, your using headphones which do the same job, yet you can listen to some relaxing music too... :-)

Talking to other children

This can be difficult for children with A.S. as talking or communicating is part of being a teenager so this is a major problem but it can be beaten, with time and effort!

Try to relax when talking to other people and it may help and don't forget deep breaths (air is essential).

Have a clean sheet approach to talking to people, don't think too much about "Oh, what am I going to say" Just, say it... well, sort of... I mean, you do think but don't think "What should I say". Don't feel people are judging you by what you are saying. Try to vary your conversation a bit, and not talk about one thing for too long, especially your interest - as other people get bored quickly. :-( Shame I know, but that's the way Earthlings communicate. ;-)

You need to boost your confidence, and you need to try relaxation and check this excellent website out from the BBC: http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/confidence/learn/

and also see: Shykids.com as well as: About.com How to guide on overcoming shyness

Also, I'd suggest you look at these below conversations:

Which convo was better? Yep, the second one.. try not to talk about ONE thing non-stop.. it helps! :D

I guess this one is not an easy one, but somehow we'll figure it...

My only rule is to be kind, helpful, willing and caring. Listen to what other have to say, and have your say when others have finished. Always maintain good eye contact and show interested, and laugh at jokes or things that are supposed to be funny... even if you don't understand. Work it out later! ;-) Just go with the flow of the conversation, keep it going and you may find that you'll be friends in no-time.

I would also read the confidence section too, above.

Dating & Relationships

What a really difficult one as dating relies on taking and communicating so this would be a really hard one for most children with A.S., especially as you also have to have a larger social circle and make friends first but there is things that can help:

1. Try to relax - don't worry too much about things.

2. Do not touch other people unless it is OK with them, why not ask them fist? But make sure you are going out with them, and he/she is ready. Don't rush into things like this, take them slow, or people get the 'clingy' feeling.

3. Be kind, friendly and caring. Talk as much as you can , compliment them. Maintain good eye contact, and smile. Even if your not interested in what he/she has to say. Laugh a lot, it makes them feel as though you are happy around them.

4. Do not take it personally if a Girl/Boy says no when you ask them out there's lots more out there you know! Well... loaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaads. I mean, there's soo many you shouldn't worry if one person says they don't wanna go out.. you'll easy find someone else. So don't worry - and it's not the most important thing to have a girl/boyfriend. :-) Main thing is to be happy, enjoy your life - and doing the things to enjoy. Happiness is the key to life really, and it's also part of the key to attracting the opposite sex.. also if your confidence shines, so do you... be confident, don't think about it - and enjoy!

5. If they do not want to kiss you, do not force them or it could end your relationship as quick as saying the word kiss, you want it to last at least more than that. Same applies with other sexual things, which I will omit for the younger readers. ;-) Take things slow and talk about things first...

6. If they do not want to be with you or go out with you any more, never take it as an insult as it can hurt your feelings, when they did not intend to, you never know they may want to take it slow, they may just not want to have a boy/girl friend, as I said, plenty more out there...!

7. Be confident, and watch what you say... also don't be too clingy lads, girls don't tend to like it. As in clingy I mean, you want to see them, be with them, kiss them all the time. Give them a break sometime, it's their personal space to think and just be themselves, relax, etc... ;-)

BBC Chatting up Girls Advice I found is a great resource for some more help for Lads.

And Chatting up Boys is a great resource for some more help for Girls.

Wondering if a girl or boy fancies you, and you are friends? If you have a good idea that they fancy you and they drop small hints such as they talk to you nice, interested in you, ask you for your number, etc... so on.. Then why not try to make a move? See the website's for more information, but in short you could ask: Do you want to go to the Cinema sometime? Or, have you seen such and such a film? If she says no, ask her to come and watch it with you. You never know what might happen!

If you want, you could just jump out with the stuff.... try and get to know them first... but if not, and you find it too hard - Build up the courage to say: "Hi, I'd like to get to know you better but I really haven't seen the chance to be able to speak to you, so here's my number, ******* text me sometime... I gotta go to lesson now but I'll see ya around!" and walk away. No doubt they'll be thinking of you for a while now... and you never know.. at least you broke the ice as earthlings would say. (Well not actually break the ice, but at least you made a move in other words)

Check out this for more online info: Click here

Some suggested reading for Relationships and Love:

Aspergers in Love | The Asperger Love Guide | Aspergers and Relationships

The following book may help older people: An Asperger Marriage

When you reach 16, its time to start really growing up, taking responsibility, etc

Although difficult, with help from people around you, it isn't that difficult at all, remember your special interest (whatever it may be) may lead your future of fortune, many rich people have AS.

Most AS people are skilled in one area more than others, so do what you specialise in, for me it is computers.

Interviews are hard for older people living with aspergers, but the best advice until I reach that stage is to say relax, it is not the end of the world, and someone somewhere will be impressed with your results in your special interest. For example people are amazed with what I can do on the computer, because I am good at that, that's the important thing.

There is a lot of help which can now be obtained for people with Aspergers looking for employment. There is such things as supported employment to help with the stress of job interviews. Contact your nearest information provider for more details about supported employment for Aspergers Syndrome.

If you suffer from depression, maybe due to bullying, or some of your difficulties - then you need to speak to someone. Someone you can trust, or know well... be it a teacher, parent, friend or even pen pal... Then, this will help. If your being bullied, you need to speak to parents and teachers about it.

Remember, try not to bottle things up - they can only get worse otherwise.

You should relax, and use meditation, listen to music and take your mind of the thing that's caused it.

Never turn to Alcohol / Cigarettes / Drugs to help it - it won't... it just masks it, but when you are coming off the effects of the drug or drink - you'll feel worse... and that's when you need to take more drugs or alcohol... which then brings either a drinking problem or drug problem, or addition to cigarettes.

Don't let others force you into anything, do what you are comfortable with only. Don't feel awkward if you don't want to go out with your friends because they are going clubbing.. you don't even have to tell them you don't like it because of AS... just say your not into it, or your not that bothered about it - you have stuff to do.

Others may try to pressure you into bullying someone, don't... just say no, you... if they turn to target you - leave them - they are not worth it. Speak to someone if it continues.

You may also find, especially in High school in the earlier years people may pressure you into things such as Cigarettes, Alcohol and Drugs... Don't feel you have to... just say no.. in the long run, it will mess your life up and there's. So don't bother. Just because everyone you know drinks/smokes/gets high, doesn't mean you should... do what YOU want, not what others want to make yourself feel cool and fit in. Don't fall for the "It Solves all your problems and makes you happy" - well it does for a while, but then after you have had the drug or drink, it goes away and you feel even worse... just not worth it.

Just say no, if anyone tries to make you do something you don't want. If it's something like a teacher telling you to go to some classroom, and you say no, this could be seen as cheeky - so say "I'd rather not - I don't know where it is!"

Well, this webpage is as informative as I can make it without knowing what you guys also struggle with.... So, I have added a few things here where more help can be gained:

http://www.connexions-direct.com/ - E-mail and advisor about your problems, and see if they can help!

Help for teachers dealing with Aspergers Syndrome: http://www.center4familydevelop.com/asperger.htm

Please drop me an e-mail if you would like more adding to this site or to just ask me a question, all of them are accepted and I read every one but junk mail.... and I promise I will reply A.S.A.P.

Contact me on info @ aspergernauts.co.uk (removing spaces)

Hope this Information helps you and I wish you every success in the future. :-)

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