I dont have a/s but i need some help...

[kattikins]

My partner has a/s, and we have been together for just over a year, we also live together.
Last year i found out that he has been unfaithful, even though he is always reminding me that he does love me. I have dated an a/s sufferer before and he was totally head over heels in love just after 2 days! Someone told me that a/s sufferers have an extreme concept of love, but how could it be possible if my partner cheated?

It brings up arguments and im always saying "You cant love me if you did that!" i know i shouldnt say things like that, but he just doesnt understand that he hurts me by doing things like cheating and advertising his 'services' on the internet. I love this guy with all my heart, and we're ment to be getting married.
The only way i have found to show him that he is hurting me is to hurt myself, but that just causes more harm...It's breaking both of our hearts.

I need some advice on what to do, and to save our relationship.

Kate.

[Carey2]

Hello kattikins and welcome to you,

Oh dear this really is not good and I think that posting here says that you know this is not a relationship to be a success in marriage.

Having Asperger's Syndrome can be a cause of many social problems and misunderstandings, it is not however an excuse to treat someone in this fashion.

Asperger marriages can work very well but all relationships need trust above all else and being unfaithful like this and "advertising his services" is just not acceptable ,these are not the actions of someone that really loves you,you are being used it seems.

The fact that you are harming yourself to get attention is an extremely unhealthy and dangerous way to be living and I would ask you to get yourself some help urgently. Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor so you have someone to help you with your own emotional state before things get any worse.

Love him you may, but this situation needs to change radically if you are going to carry on with this relationship.

There are a number of good books around on the subject of "Asperger" relationships, Jessica Kingsley publishers has a list of related subjects, http://www.jkp.com and the National Autistic Society will have some advice sheets http://www.autism.org.uk