My son has Aspergers - HELP!!!!

[Cazzywaz]

Hi All - Where do I start, I've just found this forum and think it might be my life saver, been way too long struggling to cope with my son's Aspergers on my own so would be great to talk to people who understand what he and I are going through. Dan is a lovely young man of 26, was diagnosed with Aspergers at his Special Needs School for Dyslexia when he was 14. Dan has struggled to get work since leaving school and is now so depressed he is constantly talking about taking his own life, is very angry and has no one to turn to apart from my husband and I. He has a girlfriend who he has been with since 17, she is also struggling with his Aspergers.

Dan was arrested at the airport recently as he told security guards he had a bomb in his rucksack!!!! Obviously, he didn't but of course they wouldn't let him on the plane, travel and now he has a record - we just don't understand what made him say it. He is also getting more erractic and violent towards everyone. Last night he threatened a 15 year old boy who cycled too close to him, he then threatened the boys parents who came to see him. It all seems like a cry for help but I don't know where to start.

We have tried to get him registered disabled to help him financially but the application was rejected twice.

What can we do, he needs to work, but is so depressed. He has had various support from the job centre over the years but they seem to have given up on him now.

We really are at the end of our tether and don't know where to go for help. I'm so scared that one day he will do something to himself or someone else and I'm going to lose him forever.

Sorry for the long message, just wanted to see if anyone understands or can offer any guidance.

Thanks for reading.

Carolyn x

[peggyann]

Hi Carolyn, my son Alex is 24 now and was diagnosed at about 12. His dearest wish is for a girlfriend, although I think its more abuot s*x than friendship!!! That's very normal guy stuff though!! I managed to get Al Disability Living Allowance but only by using a local help agency to compelte the form - he is on basic amounts but it help him enormously. He also signs-on for Job Seekers but although he has had a few interviews over the years, there is nothing happening now.
However, he does voluntary work in two different offices for two mornings and an afternoon each week. As he has passed lots of computer courses he is quite useful, although he is not used to his full potential so will be looking for something more for him. We have a local Voluntary Association who we are registered with and who have helped us find his 'work' . There might be something in your area. It does give him something to get up for!
I am very lucky that Alex is relatively content - a new DVD or computer game helps no end!! He does buy all his own, and can give me housekeeping out of his dole so feels he is a proper part of the household.
Hope you can help him feel better about his situation - I know its not easy to do that.
Let me know how you are.
Peg

[CurtPouncey]

Hi Carolyn, first of all I will start by saying that seeking help online is one step in the right direction towards helping your son. I am not a parent but someone who has overcome the behavioral issue that aspergers brings.
One thing I must also say is that getting your son registered disabled for money will not help at all with his aspergers, if anything it will make things worse. It will remove his drive to want to work. Getting your son into work will also help with his aspergers as regular social encounters that take place at work will help. Even though your son is 26 and you may think he is old enough to do things for himself and get a job himself, your help and effort towards finding him a job may just get him the job he wants, the recession will make things a lot harder but it is not impossible to get a job.
The first thing you both need to do is go to your GP and ask for advice and see if he can refer your son to a specialist. My mother took me to see the GP, he referred me to a specialist and after a couple of years I never misbehaved again. If your GP does not help, then seek out specialist help yourself, someone who has a lot of knowledge and experience with aspergers will surprise you with how much they can do with your son.

[dansmum]

hi I stumbled on your message by accident just googling aspergers . It was almost as if I had written that message myself I was slightly taken aback. My son also called Dan is 26 and is awaiting confirmation / diagnosis of his aspergers , although I believe he has aspergers and have since he was a small child. He too has recently been arrested for assault and suffers depression . He can get very frustrated and angry at times.He has a disablilities advisor at the job centre and is in contact with The Shaw Trust but as yet has never been employed. He does receive DLA however and uses any spare cash for CDs and DVDs , he is a talented musician and spends all his time on his computer composing and listening to music or playing the piano. He has a long term relationship albeit it with a much older woman .

I understand your concern totally , I feel a lot of the frustration comes from not having what is percived as a " normal " life . Dan also has epilespy , which does not help his employment prospects but he feels worthless and although capable of having a worthwhile job these opportunities seem to elude him. I noted what peggyann said about Voluntary work and that is something we have tried without success so far but I will look for a voluntary association locally to see if they can help.
I dont believe getting DLA stops someone with AS looking for worthwhile employment , yes it helps out financially a little but it also opens doors and we will continue to bang on those open doors until someone listens . I do believe however that education is the key , we need to lobby MPs and inform teachers and educators about AS and help doctors understand the problems faced by young adults who have managed to get through mainstream school undiagnosed .
Please let me know how you are getting on , take care . Pam