My brother has Aspergers and he's destroying the family. HELP

[Etchyz]

Hi all. Im looking for help or advice about my brother.
He's 17 years old. He was diagnosed with aspergers and adhd as a young child (between 6 and 10) and was placed on Ritalin and a few other medications for a couple of years, but due to family breakdown by the age of 13 he'd ran away from home (after his mum tried to get him sectioned) and was living on the streets. On the streets he picked up a criminal record for breaking into cars, bullying other kids, being violent and abusive to anyone and everyone. By the time he was 14 he was on his last warning from the police and looked like he was heading down the bad road. He alienated himself from his mum and the brothers he were living with and nobody had any time for him.
My dad decided to step in, he moved Luke in with him and started trying his own brand of help. Being nice to him, treating him with respect, getting him clothes and music and whatever the kids like these days, but luke learned how to turn it all to his own financial advantage. He's been living with my dad for 3 years now. My dad (a lovely man of 63) is a broken man. They're currently in the process of moving house for the third time in 2 years because of the devastating effect my brother has on the relationships with any neighbour. I hate to see it. Nothing he says to my brother works, you can't get him to pick up a dirty plate, tidy his room or anything.
He's constantly abusive, especially to my dad. He'll dish out a big mouthful of abuse and then demand that my dad gives him money. He's very, VERY violent. Many kids his age are terrified of him. If my brother feels like you've wronged him somehow then he'll launch a vendetta of abuse and intimidation to try and get his way.
He beats people up all the time. He currently is out on bail for breaking a kids jaw. (apparently the kid looked at him funny, so he got out of his car and beat him up). He might have to go to jail for that one.
Earlier this week, after an arguement, he threatened to kill me by sticking a knife in my throat. Im not so worried about that because he doesn't know where I live, but this is the first time I've thought that he's actually capable of killing somebody. After the death threat I reported him to police. He found out I was at the police station so he went to wait for me at the train station (where he knew i'd be going next). As i'd just had a death threat from him I needed a police escort to make sure he wasn't hanging around the station with a knife.

It's getting worse people. Worse and worse every day. A policeman advised that I check online for forums and community support and this if the first 'decent looking' one that I found.

Luke currently takes no medication for his illness. He see's no specialists about controlling his behaviour. He once went to anger therapy, where he got into a bad temper, told them to (censored) off and never came back again.

Does anybody have any experience with problems like this?
What to do?
How to talk to him?
How to get anything into his head without him turning into a psycho?

I read that people with aspergers don't like change, well my brother seems to have non-stop change all the time, I don't know if that's making things worse but change happens because he's just so bad!

Please help, anybody.

Thanks

Sam

[Gareth Roberts]

That's a tricky one. Maybe he does have Aspergers combined with something else, because I've not seen that amount of violence come from someone with just Aspergers. Normally they are quite approachable people actually..

Is there no way someone can sit down and talk to him about why he behaves like that, maybe with a police officer on standby? It would be better initially in a controlled environment.

At least if someone can hear why he behaves the way he does, maybe they can start to resolve the problems. The thing is, it looks like no one is sure why he behaves that way. It's just getting to understand why and then you can help I guess, maybe someone else has some more thoughts?

Good luck with things!

[Etchyz]

Hi, talking to him or getting somebody to talk to him with a police officer nearby wouldn't work, he just has no respect for the police whatsoever.

Anyway, it's been a few weeks since he threatened to kill me, things between him and my dad are worse than ever. My dad has just given up, he's lost all hope that Luke will improve and they barely speak anymore.

Is there anybody out there who could offer some advice to my dad on how to deal with it? Or how to take the next step? He's literally done all he knows to make Luke better but he's never handled something like this before.

I think I've convinced Luke to go to the doctor and ask to see a specialist but we'll see if it happens. Does anybody know much about specialists? We're in no position to pay large amounts for specialist help but is there some kind of program that gives one on one specialist help to disadvantaged youths such as my brother?

I seriously think my dad has given up and that's bad news for Luke. Any advice is welcome.

Thanks

[Gareth Roberts]

I am not aware of any special programme, however someone else might know more about that than I do.

A specialist, long as it's not private - should not cost you anything. It's a very tricky situation given the violence aspect, so you'd need to tread carefully. You live in the UK I assume?

[tracyjay]

hi sam ,my son is 16 with the same behaviour problems ,i am actually scared he will end up locked up as he doesnt listen ,he thinks he can do what he likes ,i even think, he thinks is normal, iv been to doctors police ,hospitals iv had home treatment team out ,calls from social services ,he",s been assessed several times from the phyciatric team ,and still no one has helped me, but he has been put on anti depressants and although he can have explosive outbursts they are not as frequent as before ,its early days yet but i believe they have calmed him down:

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hi sam ,my son is 16 with the same behaviour problems ,i am actually scared he will end up locked up as he doesnt listen ,he thinks he can do what he likes ,i even think, he thinks is normal, iv been to doctors police ,hospitals iv had home treatment team out ,calls from social services ,he",s been assessed several times from the phyciatric team ,and still no one has helped me, but he has been put on anti depressants and although he can have explosive outbursts they are not as frequent as before ,its early days yet but i believe they have calmed him down:

[gazmcfaz]

that certainly sounds bad, but it doesnt seem like just aspergers tbh, more like hes very angry about something, perhaps not fitting in with anyone or realising his differences has gotten to him. I doubt he'll listen to anyone about his behaviour, the only thing I could say is maybe once he realises the consequences of his actions he'll learn? Or, hopefully before it comes to that, if someone could get him to sit quietly and get into his head, as hard and defensive he might be acting, if the root of his anger was discovered he might finally be able to be advised about it. Perhaps if that was eliminated and he was happier, he would start to see how his behaviour is affecting the family