Struggling with 7 year old, no diagnosis but please help us!

[ferdiejones]

Hi all

Sorry, have posted this twice, didnt see the parents' area.

This is my first time here just been trawling for help and this seems the most positive and non-frightening site, can anyone offer any advice, sorry think i just need to offload!

Our 7 year old (J) is very VERY hard work. Has been really hard all his life but particularly since about 3 years old. School are now noticing problems (behind with work, crouching in corneres, wont make eye contact etc) so they have called in the Autism team. We have completely the opposite problem at home.....

He is rude, agressive, spiteful and all round not much fun to parent. Everything you say to him he 'already knew that' or 'why do i have to do that' if we compiment his little brother on a nice peace of work he will say 'no it's not it rubbish' he calls everyone 'stinky', replies to me 'yes mater' and then still doesnt do whatever it is. Tonight his little brother had been crying saying he hates himself because J is always calling him names or pushing him about and telling him he cant do stuff.

He has no fear and no common sense, frequently runs off, into the road etc and if i ahour him to stop will turn around and laugh at me and carry on, if I then make him hold my hand he will squeeze and pinch me and then say ' I made your hand red ha ha!' We were on a little train ride today and he saw the sign saying to keep arms and legs in, this was like a dare to him, he kept sticking them out. Now he is a VERY bright boy and he undertsnds this but if you try to tell him off ever he just gets stupid, pulls faces or gives real attitud. I have even really shouted at him and siad some horrid things and he just smirks. I have no idea how to get through to him.


He does like all the routine type stuff, lining toys up, order and routine. If I say we are going somewhere then events conspirer against us and we cant then he will keep going on about it for hours even after I have explained, then he will say and hour later 'were going to ...now arent we' and I say ' no, you know were not because of...' (after already explaining several times) and he will say 'yes we are, you said we were' etc and this will go on all night until I ebd up in tears and send him to his room.

How on earth do you deal with these things? I dont want to control him or take away his spirit but I really cannot have him being so horrid to people and us. I darent even complinment anyone in front of him as he just says such nasty things when i try to explain that it make people sad he looks at me like I am talking chinese.

I am at the end of my tether with this as I am frightned for what will become of him and that if i dont do something soon out replationship will get ruined beyond repair. As it is I dread seeing him in the monring and when he comes out of school as the first thing he usually says to me is really rude.

Can anyone help me?

Thanks

xx

[anewman]

(04-25-2010 10:02 PM)ferdiejones Wrote:  I have even really shouted at him and siad some horrid things and he just smirks. I have no idea how to get through to him.

He will learn some of his behaviours from his parents. If this includes saying horrid things, he will probably think it is acceptable in the general wider world to also do the same. I can appreciate it is difficult to deal with, and I am not questioning your parenting skills or best intentions for him, but I feel there may be a better approach.

Have you ever seen a TV program called supernanny in the UK? http://www.channel4.com/programmes/supernanny If you're in the US there are similar programmes there, and you may find some bits on youtube. I feel the approaches commonly shown (applied correctly - [a common theme that comes up in those programmes is the parents themselves find it difficult to put what they're instructed to do into practice, sometimes lapsing into old methods they're used to]) may work best with him. I'm not saying it will work magic, but I think it will help.