Stuck in the middle

[kittykat123123]

I went to my first AS meeting a few days ago, with some other adults with AS. It led me to notice a slight problem...

I didn't fit in. I loved the debate, it was one of the best I've taken part in, everyone put across opinions and it was really interesting, but at the same time, I was cornered in the break room and somebody said that I was more NT than AS to them.

Thinking about it, while I'm out I try to be more social, though I don't have any friends, spend all nights at home solitary etc. When I have to go out I have learnt to be social-ish, not that great at it, always getting comments about my weird behaviour, but it's enough to get along with colleagues, or at least, not attract too much negative attention.

Going to university has changed me so much, I'm not sure that I really fit in with the people at the AS group, or the NT people I deal with everyday. I was really hoping I would find somewhere I fit in, so it was a real shame when I still felt awkward and nervous because they thought I was more social than they were. Starting to feel like I'm not going to fit in anywhere!

Also, my scores from a month ago: 0.2 on NT Social traits, and my AQ score is 48.

Has anyone else with AS experienced this?

[jerry5]

sorry to hear that it diddnt go as well as youd have liked Kittykat, but it is a spectrum after all and everyone is different. I am sure there are also plenty of people just like you who share similar feelings about not quite "fitting in". At the moment we are going through a good patch with our son as he takes small steps forward re trying new things or coping better with social situations/change to the extent that I then think , great, but what if ,because of these improvements, the support we are working so hard to get for him at school becomes limited. But then i remember all the "bad" times weve had too and the fact that the support is what is helping him to move forward and that ,ultimately, you just want him to be in a position when he doesnt need that sort of support anymore and can cope on his own. I think it is wrong if there are people who treat it as a sort of "closed club"-"youre not as As as us etc"-it should be about help and support for all.

[hannah88]

My understanding from my course is that although it is harder for people on the spectrum and social skills do not seem to just come 'naturally' (although everyones social skills vary even in people who are not on the spectrum), social skills can be learnt and applied. Maybe your support has just been better and that's why your social skills seem higher then those of the other people in your group?

[kittykat123123]

That's the issue - I haven't really had any support, so I've learnt it on my own through trial and error, and most of the time it still is wrong, but I am nice and polite so it covers for most mistakes I make. It worked well for my mother too, who has AS but didn't know about it until recently, and is adored at work because she is so kind, people rarely notice her unusual behaviour.
But she hasn't got many friends, no partner etc. And I'm starting to think that I'm going to be excluded from normal life like that, and also not going to fit with AS groups because I look nicer and hence social etc.