help!!!!

[kitkat]

i have a 10 year old boy who has been recently diognosed with aspergers and cant seem to get any help from anywhere his behavior is just awful when hes at home its like world war 3 all the time yet because school dont see this i cant seem to get any where any advice please i really am at my wits end

[miss_understood]

What behaviours does he display and when?

[kitkat]

miss_understood Wrote:What behaviours does he display and when?

he has a really bad temper with his siblings he almost seems to try pick a fight ie he sat one day punching his 15 year old sister in the arm for about 6 or 7 mins who did not rebel annd ignored him i asked him to stop several times he continued in the end she got annoyed and hit him back softly on the the arm she started slamming doors shouting that he hated her because she was wrong to hit him he did not see what he had done was wrong i sat and explained that you can only push people so far and you should treat people how you wish to be treated he still did not see that he was in the wrong he has lost his temper over really daft things with his nan and myself my husband and other family members but never ever in school ever ! when he does he it uncontolable for at least 2 hours ! we have tried time out to calm down in his room listening to music for 2 songs but he cannot stay away he keeps comming back to argue if he would just give himself a chance he could calm so much quicker

[miss_understood]

Hmmmm

yeh time out will only work if he stays somewhere long enough to calm himself down.

Encourage his siblings to walk away from him when he is hitting or annoying them.

He may be stressed about other things, school etc, and all his anxieties build up and he takes it all out on those close to him.

He may not b able to tell you what is bothering him.

When he is in a 'bad mood' give him space, don't force him to go to his room if he does not want to.

Maybe have some regular time out after school? Weather he appears anxious or not. Give him some space, keep siblings out of his way, don't ask how his day has been, or if he has home work, etc etc. Allow him to talk to you on his terms if he wishes to?

Walks can be a good way of calming down,

is their anything he really enjoys doing?

or try something he can take his anger out on?

cover a wall in old wallpaper, and he can scribble write do what ever he likes to it, its his wall. ot have a ball he can throw against it,


Reinforce the fact that hitting someone is not an appropriate way to get attention. So if he hits his sister, she should move away. He probably thinks its ok to do this. because he has AS he has difficulty in communication, or initiating conversation. Would they ever do an activity togather. So if he starts to hit, maybe he just wants to interact with someone,so she could move away and say that she does not want him to hit her, maybe she could suggest lets go and play playstation together (easyer said than done with siblings i know) She can tell him that she does not want him to hit her,

I think he probaly punches his sister coz he is not very good with his social skills and communication.
When he goes into a temper or 'tantrum' thats a diff thing




no idea if i have said anything useful or not!

[kitkat]

thanks for your suggestions it gives me a few new things to try. At the moment i will try anything ! its great to get suggestions from other people ! he does play with his sister some times when hes in the mood they get on great playing footie or rugby in the garden but 7 times out of 10 he ends up going over the top ie accidently kicking her shins the 1st time finding it quite funny then doing it again and again ! until an argument breaks out ! then once again shes picking on him ! i do feel sorry for them both and end up not knowing who to disiplin ! i will try your suggestions and let you know how im getting on once again thanks it really meants alot !

[miss_understood]

your welcome, not sure if any of them will work.........but woth a try at least.

And obv if they are playing together i can only assume its always on his terms, and his rules.

If she were to kick him it would be a diff story, and major tantrum!

[kitkat]

yep always on his terms and his rules whoever he plays with he also changes the rules to suit too if hes losing he will make them im his favor if hes winning he also changes them to make sure who ever he is playing with has no chance at all ! and if the dont conform hes not playing anymore its a stupid game !

[miss_understood]

yeh that sounds about right too, thats something u can also work on, but best to concentrate on one thing at a time!

[tinalee]

my 7 yr old is very agressive etc too, in fact his violence to siblings got so bad i bought two DS's and now allow him to vegetate on that when he is having a particularly bad day. its not ideal as he doesnt interact but frankly i was scared for my youngest sons safety!! and it does help him focus, block out the rest of us, and generally keep a grip when life is too tough for him.

i also use a great big Duvet to wrap him up in when he starts erupting. it helps me get him up the stairs without being beaten to death or him injuring himself and the smothering seems to chill him out? some aspies love to have pressure applied all over so he seems to fit that bill. when he is up there we leave him to rant. anything shouted down the stairs or thrown down gets ignored and calmly tidied away by me. eventually he runs out of steam and then he comes out for a love and i try to reintegrate him into the room without any fuss or mention of the incident or it all kicks off again!!

physical exercise seems to work too, some days i just pick him up, march outside and throw him on the trampoline lol. he booiings his way out of the tantrum and gets some fresh air too!! every aspie should have a great big trampoline lol.

i know what you mean when you say he is own worst enemy though lol. if jamie was able to keep his mouth closed he wouldnt get into half as much trouble at home or at school!!!